Child to parent aggression and/or harm (CPA) can occur in any family situation. We support birth parents, single parents, kinship parents, foster carers, adoptive families, and parents/carers of children with SEND, and multiple complex needs.

The age of children being referred to us over this period of time show distinct spikes:

  • Aged 6 – 8 yrs – this can be attributed in some cases  to Key stage jumps at school and higher expectations put upon them. This would fit in with the narrative from parents around school being a risk factor for children in these age groups. 
  • 12 yrs  – this can be attributed in some cases to several factors including; Hormonal changes. Greater expectations and change in schooling. Peer influence and relationships, greater independence, taking risks on purpose, brain development. 

There are many risk factors for children and what we do know is it is very rarely one thing but usually a combination of things that have a huge impact on a child and how they can respond.

Graph source; Capa First Response internal data 2022-2023.

chart showing age in years at referral age where given

Historically, child-to-parent aggression and/or harm has often been framed as something boys do to their mothers. Research and our own practice show a more complex picture. Mothers and female carers remain disproportionately affected, but both sons and daughters use harmful behaviours, and this can be particularly pronounced where there is trauma and/or unmet neurodivergent need. 

At present there is no robust UK-wide dataset that tracks trends in children’s gender over time, so any claims about a narrowing gender gap should be treated with caution. What is clear is the urgent need for consistent, national recording of CAPVA by gender, age and need, so that responses can be better designed.

Below  is an indication of gender of children referred to Capa First Response services 2022-2023.

GENDER CHART WILL GO HERE

Scroll through the below examples of referrals received by Capa from parents and carers

Parent of 12 year old

They react quickly and a simple situation where they feel they are not getting what they want can escalate in seconds. They are loud, scream incoherently and stamp their feet – it is reminiscent of tantrums of when they were a toddler.

When they have one of these episodes they lash out with spiteful words (calls me fat, bitch everything they call me is preceded by ‘f***cking’.

They tell me they wish I was dead and make fun of me, over the last couple of months, they have become physically violent towards me. This has escalated each time and today they hit and kicked me with such force at the base of my spine – it was extremely painful.

They are always sorry, and regretful and always change their behaviour for the better – til the next time.

I love my child more than I could ever describe and need them to get some help – I’m not sure where to turn right now.”

Parent of 10 year old

My child  has struggled with managing their anger/emotions for some time now. They are very controlling – from making sure you are watching TV with them and reacting the same as them- to reading my text messages.”

Grandparent

“My 12 year old grandchild is becoming more and more violent despite 999 calls, how can I get support?”

Parent of 13 year old

“I wanted to ask for some support with my son.  He’s always had tantrums but now he’s physically stronger and has damaged so much of our house. He has deliberately smashed my phone to pieces, has thrown knives at us and tables thrown over”.

Parent of 19 year old

“We have been recommended your services from a friend who has been under your advice. Our son is 19 years old and has self diagnosed as ADHD and autistic. It was never flagged up to us at school or anywhere so it wasn’t something we were expecting. He is quite verbally abusive towards us at times and is pretty cutting and belittling to his younger brother. My friend said the best and most useful interventions of all that she experienced was with you and when we were telling her about our sons behaviour she said he was acting towards us as though we were in an abusive relationship and gave us your postcard”

Parent of 25 year old

“My sister found your website. It’s the only one I’ve felt able to reach out to. My son who is high functioning autistic has been struggling. His behaviour towards me can be so hurtful and I have felt so desperate at times”.