When Siblings Are Caught in the Middle: Supporting the Whole Family
When a young person displays aggression towards a parent or caregiver, the emotional impact can ripple through the entire household. At Capa First Response CIC, we often hear from families who are navigating not only the direct challenges of CAPVA, but also sometimes the quieter, often overlooked effects on siblings or when siblings mimic what they are seeing.
The Hidden Impact on Siblings
Siblings may not be the direct target of aggression, but they are rarely unaffected. They might:
- Witness frightening or confusing incidents
- Feel unsafe or anxious in their own home
- Experience guilt, resentment, or jealousy
- Take on a “peacekeeper” or “protector” role
- Feel neglected as parents focus on the child in crisis
- Fight back against their sibling
These emotional burdens can affect their mental health, academic performance, and relationships both now and in the future.
What Parents and carers can do
Supporting siblings doesn’t mean having all the answers. It means creating space for their experiences and emotions. Here are some ways to help:
- Validate Their Experience
Let siblings know that what they’re feeling is valid. Use age-appropriate language to explain what’s happening and reassure them that it’s not their fault. We always talk about not vilifying their sibling while trying to create compassion and empathy behind the behaviour.
- Create Safe Spaces
Whether it’s a physical space to retreat to or a regular one-on-one check-in, siblings need to feel safe and seen. Even small moments of connection can make a big difference.
- Avoid Overburdening Them
It’s tempting to lean on older siblings for help, but they shouldn’t be expected to manage or mediate conflict. Protect their right to be children, too.
- Involve Them in the Healing Process, but cautiously.
In some cases, family sessions or therapeutic activities can help siblings feel included and heard. This should always be guided by a professional to ensure it’s safe and constructive.
- Seek Support for Them, Too
Siblings may benefit from their own counselling or peer support. Knowing they have a space to talk freely can be incredibly empowering.
At Capa First Response, we understand that CAPVA affects the whole family. Our team is here to support you in navigating these complex dynamics with compassion and care. If you’re concerned about how a sibling is coping, please reach out.
You might also find our podcast episode around this topic a helpful listen: Siblings and this book: Siblings without Rivalry
