This blog post explores what realistic expectations for progress can feel like for families navigating Child to Parent/Carer Aggression and/or Harmful Responses (sometimes referred to as CAPVA). If you’re a parent or carer living with CAPVA, you’ve likely asked yourself something like: “Is anything actually changing?” or “Are we getting anywhere?”
These are natural questions and they come from a place of hope, exhaustion, and deep care. At Capa First Response, we want to reassure you: progress is possible, even if it doesn’t always look the way you expected.
Progress Isn’t Always Big or Obvious
When you’re in the thick of things, it’s easy to miss the small shifts. But those small shifts are often the first signs of healing. Progress might look like:
- Your child calming down more quickly after an outburst
- A moment of reflection or apology, even if it is brief
- You feeling more confident in how you respond
- A conversation that doesn’t escalate
- A day with fewer arguments
These moments matter. They’re not just “better days” they’re signs that something is changing.
Setbacks Don’t Mean Failure
This behaviour is complex. There will be good days and hard days. A setback doesn’t mean you’re back at square one. In fact, how you and your child recover from those moments can show just how far you’ve come.
Try to notice:
- Are you bouncing back more quickly?
- Are you able to talk about what happened?
- Are you learning something new each time?
These are all signs of progress.
What Other Families Have Shared
Families we work with often tell us that the first signs of change felt like this:
- “Instead of a 3 hour meltdown it was over in 30 mins”
- “We had a conversation together for the first time in so long”
- “I didn’t feel scared this time, I felt prepared”
These moments may not seem dramatic, but they’re powerful. They show that your efforts are making a difference.
How to Stay Grounded
Here are a few ways to keep track of progress:
- Write down small wins, even if they feel tiny!
- Talk to your support worker about what you’re noticing
- Celebrate effort, not just outcomes
- Be kind to yourself, and know you’re doing your best
Capa First Response is here to support your family. We see the strength it takes to keep going, to keep trying, and to keep loving through the hardest moments. Progress will happen even if it’s slow, even if it’s quiet.
To start the ball rolling and get support from us take a look at the information about the support we offer.
You might also like to read: Books: How to Talk so Kids Will Listen…
