“Why Won’t They Just Revise?” – Finding Connection with Your Teen During GCSE’s
Are you arguing with your child about revision?
Are you feeling frustrated that your teenager is adamant they will not study this Easter break?
Does your child become angry, confrontational, or even aggressive when the subject of exams comes up?
Then you are not alone.
In the coming months, thousands of teenagers across the UK will sit their GCSEs. It’s the culmination of years of schoolwork and, for many, a gateway to the next stage of life. But for some young people, it doesn’t feel like that at all. Instead, exam season can bring fear, anxiety, pressure, and conflict—especially at home.
Many parents are finding themselves in daily battles. Conversations about revision turn into shouting matches. Doors slammed. Tears shed. Some young people may even tip into behaviour that feels unacceptable or unsafe—verbal and physical aggression, or complete withdrawal.
At Capa First Response, we work with families every day who are walking this exact path. And we want you to know this: there is nothing wrong with your parenting. This is hard. For all of you.
What If There’s More Going On Than Just “Laziness”?
We invite you to hold a gentle curiosity around what your child might be experiencing. What if…
- They’re carrying a deep fear of failure, and avoiding revision is how they cope?
- They genuinely don’t know how to revise and feel embarrassed to admit it?
- They believe the work they’ve already done is enough, and they can’t see the value in doing more?
- They’re overwhelmed by the constant messaging around exams and just want to be a teenager, hanging out with friends and escaping the pressure?
Not every child is aiming for A-levels or university. Not every teenager is working toward “being their best self” right now—and that’s OK. Every young person is different.
What about our neuro-divergent children who may be motivated to do well in exams but are pressurised in specific ways. Revision can be extremely challenging due to struggles with attention or rigid ways of thinking as well as difficulties with staying organised or managing the change/shift and expectations between revision subjects.
There can feel like a huge societal pressure to spend this Easter break focused solely on revision. Many families have sacrificed holidays and rest in the hope of academic success. But not all children respond well to that kind of structure and intensity.
So What Can We Do as Parents?
Let’s start with this truth: we cannot make our children revise.
We cannot sit them down and force them to learn. No amount of shouting, bribing, or punishing will change this. In fact when tensions are running high the brian is not working at its best, the brain’s ability to store more information is reduced. So fighting can actually be detrimental to the aim of your child doing their best in exams.
But we can choose a different path. At Capa, we talk every day about the power of validation—meeting our child’s emotions with empathy and compassion.
What if, instead of trying to convince your teen to revise today, you simply said:
“I get it. It’s hard.”
“I was terrible at revision too.”
“I see how stressed you are. Let’s take a break.”
What if you suggested a trip to the cinema? Or let them go out with their friends, wishing them a “great day” ?
What if you told your child, “I care about you first, not just your results” And meant it?
The Power of Connection Over Correction
This kind of connection doesn’t mean you’ve “given up” or don’t care about their future. It means you’re prioritising your relationship and your child’s emotional wellbeing.
It’s incredibly hard when everyone around us seems to be in revision bootcamp mode, when every other teen has a colour-coded study timetable and is already booked onto three extra tuition sessions.
But comparison is a trap. The best thing you can do is tune into your child. What do they need right now? How can you best support them, not just as a student, but as a whole person? One size does not fit all, tailoring revision schedules to your child’s needs, using clear and collaborative communication ( taking your child’s lead)and being their cheerleader are all powerful ways of supporting your child.
Sometimes, stepping back from the pressure is the very thing that allows your child to step forward.
You are not alone in this.
If you are feeling overwhelmed or if your child’s behaviour feels unmanageable or unsafe, please reach out. At Capa First Response, we’re here to listen, to support, and to help you find a way through—together.
