Anger is a normal and healthy emotion, but it can become overwhelming and difficult to manage, especially for children. As a parent or carer, it’s important to guide your child in understanding and controlling their anger. This will help them cope with challenging situations but also builds emotional intelligence and resilience.
Here are five tips to help your child manage their anger effectively.
1. Teach Them to Recognise the Signs of Anger
The first step in managing anger is recognising it. Help your child become aware of the physical and emotional cues that indicate they are getting angry. These vary from person to person, and you will start spotting your child’s signs, but they might include clenched fists, a racing heart, or feeling hot. Stating what you can see (“I can see that was really frustrating for you”) can encourage them to pause and identify these signs before their anger escalates.
You can use visual aids like a “feelings thermometer” to help them rate their anger and see how it rises and falls. When children learn to recognise the early signs of anger, they can take steps to calm down before they lose control.
2. Encourage Open Communication
Anger often stems from underlying feelings of frustration, hurt, or fear. Encourage your child to talk about what’s bothering them instead of bottling up their emotions. Create a safe and non-judgmental space where they feel comfortable expressing their feelings. Validate their feelings to show it’s okay and normal to be angry but that how they express it matters. Active listening—where you reflect back what they’ve said—can make them feel heard and understood, which can reduce the intensity of their anger.
3. Teach Healthy Outlets for Anger
Children need to know that there are constructive ways to deal with anger. Physical activity, such as running, hitting a pillow, or playing a sport, can be an effective way to release built-up tension. Creative outlets like drawing, writing, or playing music can also help them process their emotions and make sense of the root of the anger. Breathing exercises and mindfulness techniques are powerful tools for calming the mind and body. Teaching your child these strategies gives them practical tools to manage their anger in a healthy way.
4. Model Calm Behaviour
How do you model your approach to anger? What are your children seeing when you get angry?
Children learn a lot from watching the adults around them. If you manage your anger calmly and constructively, your child is more likely to do the same. When you feel yourself getting angry, take a moment to calm down before responding. Explain to your child what you’re doing and why. You might say, “I’m feeling really frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths to calm down.” This not only teaches them how to manage their anger but also shows them that everyone gets angry sometimes.
5. Set Clear Boundaries and Consequences
It’s important for children to understand that while anger is a natural emotion, certain behaviours are unacceptable. Set clear rules about what is and isn’t allowed when they’re angry—such as no yelling, hitting, or breaking things. Be consistent with consequences when these rules are broken, however it’s essential to also be understanding of the emotions behind the behaviour – most times anger is a ‘tip of the iceberg’ emotion and there is a reason behind it. Use these moments as opportunities to teach better ways to handle anger, rather than simply punishing the outburst.
Helping your child manage their anger is an ongoing process that requires patience, understanding and guidance. By teaching them to recognize their anger, encouraging open communication, offering healthy outlets, modelling calm behaviour, and setting clear boundaries, you equip them with the skills they need to control their emotions. These strategies not only help in the moment but also lay the foundation for emotional well-being throughout their lives. Remember, the goal isn’t to eliminate anger, but to help your child express it in a healthy, safe and constructive way.
